Duty
by Dragonjo80
Summary: Callie Cousland has lost everything, emotionally wrecked and unable to trust anyone but her fellow Grey Warden Alistair, all she has now is her duty. But it doesn't stay that way for long.
1. Chapter 1: Tempered or Broken

**Chapter 1: Tempered or Broken**

Disclaimer: Bioware owns all things Dragon Age

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><p>Duncan was worried. It had been nearly a week since they had fled Highever and his young companion had still shed no tears nor spoken a word that had not been in answer to a question from him. Even then her words had been few, empty of all emotion.<p>

He watched her sitting across the fire, Shan, her mabari hound lying at her feet. She was oiling her daggers, checking her armour, the same thing every night after they'd set up camp. There had been no reason to draw their weapons since that first night, the roads had been surprisingly quiet once they had put some distance between Highever Castle and themselves. But every night she had taken care of her equipment as if it was bloodied and blunted from battle.

Part of him was impressed, not many noble born women – even a Ferelden woman – knew how to take care of arms and armour as she obviously did. But it also worried him, the way she sat a cloth polishing the blade over and over. Was she reliving that night? The smoke, the screams, the blood on her hands, the last sight of her parents?

When he had first met her she'd had a fire in her eyes and quality to her that spoke of solid iron in her spine. Would the murder of her family temper that iron or would it break it? Duncan just couldn't tell. This silent cold young woman was nothing like the fiery energetic storm of woman he'd watched in her father's training yard or the charming and light-hearted woman she been when her father introduced them.

_The sound of blades clashing drew Duncan towards Highever Castle's training yard. As he turned the corner the sounds grew louder and he stopped for a moment to watch the two responsible for the noise._

_One was a tall man, with reddish hair, wearing the armour of a Highever knight. Ser Gilmore, the man Duncan had come to see. But it was the knight's opponent that caused Duncan to pause. Dressed in closely fitted leather armour that showed off curves that would, in any other noble house, be clothed in the finest silk dress, the young woman was laughing as she ducked under Ser Gilmore's blade blocking his swing with a blade in one hand, pivoting on her right foot so that she spun around him and hit him on the back with the flat of the blade in her other hand. _

"_The infamous Lady Cousland" Duncan thought to himself._

_He moved to stand beside Teyrn Cousland's weapon master Drugen, who appeared to be supervising the sparring match. Watching the two fighters circle each, he noted that for all her feminine curves her limbs were long, the muscles lean, hinting at a strength of body that he knew most people would not even look for never mind notice._

_The pair continued oblivious to their audience, their blades whirling around them as they each parried and blocked the others strikes. Laughter coming from their lips as the each bated the other as only two who were long-time friends could._

"_It's like watching her dance with those daggers of hers sometimes" the weapon master said to Duncan as he rested his arms on the fence beside him._

"_Her skill is impressive, unusual for a Teyrn's daughter I would have thought" Duncan replied._

"_Unusual, ha" Drugen laughed "That's our Lady Callie. Oh her mother's warrior trained, this is Ferelden after all. But Callie's always had a quickness and agility, along with quite a mischievous mind that meant she's always been more suited to the roguish style of fighting, plus she's also a bit of a dirty fighter."_

_Duncan noticed the affection in the old weapon masters voice as he spoke of the Teyrn's daughter; he'd noticed similar tones whenever the Lady Cousland was spoken of. Even in the inn that he'd stayed in the previous night. A group of Highever guards had been drinking and extoling the virtues of the lovely Lady Callie Cousland. One declaring loudly "There's not a noble born out there good enough for our Lady Callie" and another in response said "And may any that try end up under the blade of one of her daggers". That statement was met by cheers and laughter from the rest of the guards and it piqued Duncan's interest in the young Lady Cousland. _

"_Come on Ser Gil, you're not even trying now" Duncan heard Callie tease. "How am I supposed to get my counterattack right if you go easy on the attack part?"_

_Ser Gilmore laughed "I don't think your mother will be pleased if you're covered in bruises at dinner tonight, both Arl Howe and Lady Landra will be there. Don't they both have sons to marry you to?"_

"_Wretch" Callie yelled launching herself at him twin daggers spinning in her hands. _

_Ser Gilmore barely got his shield up in time to stop the blade in her right hand from taking out an eye. Callie skipped back a step realising how close she been to perhaps blinding her friend. Ser Gilmore took advantage of her hesitation pushing out with his shield knocking her on to her back. Taking a step towards her his longsword pointed down at her "Yield, my Lady?"_

_As the words left his mouth she wrapped her legs round his ankle and with a quick jerk he tumbled to the ground next to her. One dagger pointed at his groin the other at his throat "Do you yield, Ser Knight?" she growled playfully._

_Drugen laughed "Should have known better than to bring up marriage" turning to Duncan as he pushed himself away from the fence "Excuse me while I go separate those two before they cause any permanent damage."_

_Duncan bowed his head to the man and watched as he made his way over to the two before turning away and heading back into the keep. Lady Cousland had most definitely piqued his interest. _

Duncan sighed at the memory, she'd fought with spirit and passion even though she was only sparring and when the Teyrn had introduced them later her blue eyes had shone bright and her long dark hair pulled back in a ponytail swung back and forth across her back in barely controlled excitement as she all but begged to be allowed to talk to Duncan further.

The next time he'd seen her she was covered in blood, some of it her own, most thankfully not. Her face twisted and body shaking with nearly uncontrolled rage, she'd radiated it, her eyes burning with a fury that had made Duncan almost step back from her. That changed as she realised her father was dying and her mother had no intention of leaving him, grief warred with the rage across her face, he could see that she was going to refuse to leave them as the grief seemed to be winning the emotional war inside her. But then her father spoke of her brother Fergus, her duty as a Cousland and vengeance to be brought down on their betrayers and Duncan watched as all emotion drained from her face, her body stilled and her eyes grew cold and empty as the void. She'd nodded at her father's instructions and allowed Duncan to lead her away.

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><p>Callie felt Duncan's gaze on her as she polished the blade of her dagger, she knew it didn't need it, just like its twin had no need of it but it kept her hands busy. It helped her maintain the illusion of calm on the outside, maintain the barrier she had erected between the outside world and the chaos inside her head that was threatening to engulf her.<p>

So many questions running through her mind, so many emotions she had no idea where to start. She'd been replaying everything before the attack in her head since they'd fled her home. Everything Howe had done and said that day, even other visits he'd made to the keep in the recent months. Looking for clues, hints at what he'd been planning. Were there other nobles involved? How in Andraste's name had he planned to explain the murder of her family? Was Fergus okay? _Could she have saved them?_

She frowned, catching sight of her frown reflecting in the blade of her dagger she decided it had been polished enough. Turning to put it back in its sheath her eyes rested on the wrapped bundle lying on the ground next to her. Her father's longsword, she'd taken it from the armoury during the attack. The sight of it caused an agonising pain to rip through her heart, almost causing her to gasp with the force of it.

"You're a Cousland, damn it" she thought to herself remembering her father's last words to her. "Duty, you have a duty remember, find Fergus, make sure he's safe, tell him what happened. Find Howe, make the bastard pay." She looked up at Duncan, sitting across the fire, considered him for a moment "And a duty to this man, to the Grey Wardens."

She'd been raised with the concept of duty her whole life, duty to her family, the people, the land, and she'd always accepted it. Of course her idea of doing her duty was a little different than her mothers. The idea of doing something useful for the people and the land, say being a member of the guard, something that made use of her preferred skill set. Keep the roads free of bandits, making the people safe. That was a much better way than her mother's - marrying some self-important noble's son, being his prize – a step up the court ladder, having his children, no that was never a plan she'd liked.

When Duncan had told her father that she'd make a good recruit for the wardens, she had liked that idea. She'd read the stories of the wardens of old, during the previous blights. She wasn't naive enough to believe it was all heroes and glory and happy endings, but if even half the horror the books described was true, being a warden was a duty she could live with. They didn't just keep a small patch of land safe, they fought for the lives and safety of all those living in Thedas. There was bound to be plenty opportunity for violence as a warden and that thought helped reinforce the wall holding in her emotions.

"So get to Ostagar, find Fergus tell him what happened. Then fulfil my duty to Duncan, become a Grey Warden" she thought "And somehow get to Howe and carve him to pieces for what he's done."

She rested her hand on Shan's head, running her fingers through his short fur. The mabari raised his head, his sorrowful eyes meeting hers. "I miss them too" she whispered to him. Shan huffed in response and laid his head on her leg closing his eyes as she scratched around his ear.

Taking a deep breath, she looked over at Duncan once more.

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><p>"Can you tell me more about the wardens, what it means to be one, what will be expected of me?"<p>

Duncan nearly started at the sound of Callie's voice. Rubbing his hand over his beard Duncan considered for a moment, hoping that perhaps life was sparking somewhere inside her, and then said "I can tell you some just now, the rest will have to wait until after your joining"

Duncan told her what little he could. He always hated that, not being able to tell those he recruited what the dangers were, what kind of life he was condemning them to. But it must be done, it was necessary to fight the darkspawn, to end the blights. By all means necessary, were not just words to be spouted. When it came to the Grey Wardens that statement was absolute.

She was quiet for a time and Duncan wondered if his hope was premature, that she was falling back into herself, when she asked "Why did you want to recruit me? We'd never met before."

"I watched you spar with Ser Gilmore" he told her.

"You watched me spar?" she frowned "And that made you want to recruit me?"

"That and the things that I heard about you from the people at the castle" he smiled "I particularly liked your reaction to the prospect of marriage, that leaping attack was quite unexpected."

"You saw that?" Duncan nodded.

"I guess I've never exactly been keen on the idea of marriage. Most of the noble's sons I've met are all so self-important. They all expected me to be just some trophy to look pretty on their arm." She scowled looking down at her hands as some unpleasant thought crossed her mind.

"Did you know that _murdering bastard_" she said spitting the words through her teeth "had been trying to get my father to agree to a betrothal with his slimy clone of a son?"

Duncan watched her closely now as she raised her head and her eyes locked on his. A new fire blazed in those blue eyes, not like the warmth when they'd first met or the searing rage the night of the attack, this was entirely different. This fire was ice cold; this fire's promise was far more deadly.

"I will do my duty as a Grey Warden, this I promise." She almost whispered "Could I ask though…I mean… would you help me, my family, see that Howe gets what he deserves?"

Duncan winched inwardly at the pain that had seeped into her voice, even as she tried so hard to keep it in. Slowly he rose and walked over to her, putting a hand gently on her shoulder "I will do everything I can" he promised.

Looking into her eyes the old phrase _cold iron_ came into Duncan's mind "You should get some sleep, I'll take first watch" he told her.

She nodded and told Shan to stay with Duncan and headed to her bedroll. Turning back to him she said "It's probably best if no-one knows how I am. Let them all think Callie Cousland is dead."

Duncan nodded his agreement, the image of those eyes burning lingering in his mind. "Cold iron indeed" he murmured.

Tempered not broken then, she's got a long way to go but it's a start.


	2. Chapter 2: Watch Over

**Chapter 2: Watch Over**

Duncan watched the two men, not really listening to their words, just more of the same back and forth, Loghain half berating the young king, Cailan all smiles waving the Teyrn and his concerns away. "If only Maric we here" Duncan thought "He had always taken the threat of a Blight seriously."

Finally it appeared that this round of vocal sparring was over, the latest scout reports had arrived and Loghain wanted to study the maps and consider what implications, if any, the new information would have on the battle plan. Duncan moved to follow the Teyrn from the king's tent but stops when Cailan puts a hand on his arm.

"A moment Duncan," the king said softly.

He turned back to face the king, "Yes your majesty."

"Lady Cousland, how is she doing? Cailan asked, a slight far away expression on his face as he continued "I've only seen her once before, she's grown into an incredibly beautiful woman."

Duncan sighed, so like his father in many ways, but there were darkspawn to contend with and the king should be concentrating on that not the latest pretty face to catch his eye. Not for the first time Duncan considered telling Cailan that preventing the blight from happening had been the reason that king Maric had disappeared from the palace with a group of Grey Wardens all those years ago. That it was while fighting to keep Ferelden safe from the danger it now faced that Duncan and Maric had become friends. But no, that would mean having to reveal too many of the orders secrets, secrets that were paramount if the wardens were to continue in their duty in the fight against the darkspawn.

"Tell me what happened at Highever, how did the attack happen?" Cailan suddenly all but demanding, "How on earth did Arl Howe plan to explain this away?" The king's eyes flashed dangerously and Duncan half smiled seeing more than a hint of Maric in that look.

So Duncan described the attack, the things he'd seen during the fighting and when he got to how Teyrn Cousland had requested Duncan take his daughter and the Teyrna had decided to stay behind and die with her husband, Cailan's face was more serious than Duncan had ever seen it, far more serious than when discussing the darkspawn threat. Thoughts of his own father perhaps, the tales of his grandmother the Rebel Queen, who his father had seen murdered?

"We decided it best that no-one knows who she really is." Duncan finished, "There's likely to be some of Arl Howe's men in Ostagar looking to harm Fergus Cousland, and I doubt they would hesitate to finish the job started at Highever."

Cailen nodded, silent for a moment before saying "I want you to find a way to keep Lady Cousland and Alistair out of the battle."

Duncan arched an eyebrow at the young king "Your Majesty?"

"I'm not a complete idiot Duncan," Cailan replied. "I have no heir, Alistair is the last of the Theirin bloodline after me, he needs to survive and with no way of knowing until after the battle if Fergus Cousland is alive…well I'm not about to let one of the oldest noble families in Ferelden be completely wiped out."

Cailan paused "No, we must find a way to give them a chance of surviving the battle and pray that the Maker watches over them."

Duncan nodded saying "May the Maker watch over us all, your Majesty" before taking his leave of the king.

Lost in thought Duncan walked back to his fire, Alistair would hopefully be back with the three recruits soon, so long as they didn't come across too much trouble. A low huff from the mabari anxiously waiting the return of his mistress brought a worn smile to Duncan's lips. "She'll be back soon boy" he tells the dog, patting him on the head before sitting done next to the fire. Shan whines softly then goes back to his silent vigil, staring out towards the darkness of the wilds.

The conversation with the king had brought the young Cousland woman back to the forefront of Duncan's thoughts. Since the night she'd promised to do her duty to the wardens her demeanour had become more distantly reserved rather than outright cold and empty. She was still very quiet, mostly still only speaking when spoken too; always very polite no matter whom she was speaking to. When talking to others it was almost like she'd fallen into some kind of diplomatic noble mode. Duncan wasn't sure that she was even aware she was doing it or that she was even aware what the subjects of most of those conversations were about, not that anyone seemed to notice so smooth her responses.

He'd also noticed that her hands never strayed far from the daggers on her hips whenever anyone got close to her, fingers always twitching slightly ready to grasp the hilts at even a hint of danger, whenever anyone but Duncan got close that is. It seemed she'd decided that as he'd not left her to die in Highever he was worthy of a little of her trust. After what she'd been through he doubted that Callie Cousland's trust was something that would easily be given ever again.

Duncan felt very weary at that thought, she had placed her life in his hands, given him her trust and he was betraying it. Not maliciously, he did not wish any harm on the girl, but sometimes when he let his thoughts run away from him, he felt like he was betraying those he recruited. Never telling them the truth about the risk in joining the wardens or exactly what kind of life they would be condemned to. A life he hadn't even wanted for himself, no definitely wasn't what he would have chosen, but it was a necessary life.

Duncan sighed pushing those thoughts away; he hoped that Alistair's company would help Callie. The boy didn't have a bad bone in his body, so sincerely honest it was impossible for him to hide his feelings from showing all over his face. Always making a joke out of everything, always ready with a warm smile, Duncan couldn't think of a better person to help her ease her pain, even just a little, he hoped.

A sudden excited bark and Shan was jumping up from his silent watch at Duncan's feet. Looking towards the edge of the camp the mabari hound bounced from side to side and Duncan felt some tension he hadn't noticed was there ease out of his body when he saw Alistair and his charges break through the forest edge. They looked bloodied and weary but unharmed; looking down at Shan he said "Go on then boy" and smiled as the hound tore off to greet his mistress.

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><p>Alistair was glad to be getting back to camp, that little trip to the wilds had been a bit too full of excitement for one day thank you very much. What with all the darkspawn, wolves, sneaky witch thieves and most of all the crazy dark haired girl, who had just been beside him a moment ago, wait a minute where the...Alistair turned to look back, oh there she is, underneath a couple of hundred pounds of mabari that he seemed to have completely missed launching itself at her.<p>

"Way to go Alistair" he thought to himself "Good job watching over the recruits, don't even notice one of them brought down by a charging mabari!"

Thank goodness she's not been crushed, Maker's Breath, is she kissing that beast? Alastair gaped for a moment at the sight of girl and mabari greeting each other wondering if all women were crazy or if it was just this one.

Seeing that Duncan was waiting for them by his fire Alistair turned away from the scene and headed over to his commander. He handed over the vials of blood and the old treaties and told Duncan about the encounter with the creepy old witch and her witchy daughter. He continued to think about that meeting...shudder...while Duncan told the three recruits to go get cleaned up, well they were all covered in darkspawn blood.

"Well?" Duncan's gravelly voice broke in to Alistair's thoughts. He made a move with his head directed at the leaving recruits when Alistair looked up.

"Daveth kept his head mostly, Ser Jory's a bit iffy on the courage front and Callie, well she's just plain scary" Alistair replied.

Duncan raised an eyebrow, is that a skill that comes naturally or has he had to practice, daily perfect arched eyebrow exercises? Alistair wondered "Come on she's well scary. Look at her, who would think that quiet tiny...well not tiny, in the tiny sense, you know what I mean...pretty half beat-up looking girl, and I've got to ask what in the Maker's name did you do when you recruited her for her to look like she's been fighting half this army? Anyways...we come across the first darkspawn group and she just runs right in to the middle of them daggers out, stabbing and slicing. Not even a pause, a brief look of horror, nothing. Frightening I tell you, frightening."

Duncan looked...amused, is amused the right word? Alistair hoped that was what he was leaning towards, amused is good, amused is happy. "It was almost like she had a death wish the way she was dancing about in the thick of them."

Duncan's face went serious and his voice low when he said "She saw her family murdered Alistair, her home was attacked and she had to fight her way out to escape. Her wounds are from that night and she's quiet because part of her is still in shock and because she no longer knows who to trust. I'm only telling you this because she's going to need your help; she needs someone she can place her trust in, someone who'll be there for her."

"You think I can help her, how?" Alistair was surprised at that, how could he help her?

"You're a good man Alistair, you have a good heart. Be a friend, she's yet to grieve for her loss and the more time that passes before she does the more painful it's going to be for her." Duncan patted him on the shoulder, "Now I think you should also go get cleaned up and something to eat, I have things to attend to."

Alistair nodded absently as Duncan left him, lost in the thoughts Duncan had put in his head with the news of Callie's troubles.

He wasn't spying on her, he was watching over her. Watching over her, yeah that sounded like the right phrase, making sure she was safe, that no-one bothered her. That's what Alistair told himself anyway as he made himself more comfortable, making sure he kept an uninterrupted...but not obvious...view of Callie sitting off to the side by herself. She hadn't moved too far from Duncan's fire, just enough to set herself apart from the others, her mabari lying by her side.

When he first met Callie, Alistair had tripped over his words, spouting out the first things that came into his head. He had made an idiot of himself he knew that, but she was just so beautiful, with her long dark wavy hair and the sky blue eyes. Ok so she'd had dark circles under those eyes, and there was an empty kind of look to them. There were faint ghosts of nearly healed bruises across her cheekbone and jaw on the left side of her face. A red angry row of stiches that started on her neck, over her collarbone and continued down under her armour that looked like a wound caused by some kind of blade, sword or dagger he wondered. These things seemed to add to her beauty, making it fragile and precious in some way. He'd felt an overwhelming and irrational need to protect her, to take care of her, which was ridiculous really, seen as he couldn't manage to take care of himself half the time.

In the wilds though, he hadn't been joking, well not too much anyway, when he'd said she was frightening. She had walked beside him quiet, not joining in with Daveth's banter, ignoring Ser Jory's comments, even her movement was quiet. Alistair had never met someone who could walk so silently especially in a forest where there were twigs and leaves that cracked and rustled under your feet. It was kind of like she was a ghost, wasn't really there, she was pale enough to be a ghost although she was reeaally quiet and weren't ghosts supposed to be noisy all moaning and weeping, looking for revenge or lost love or something.

In fact, apart from when dealing with those two witch women, and how did she manage to stay so cool and polite and so _diplomatic_ sounding talking to a couple of apostates that could have turned them into toads at any second? The only time she'd spoken was when Ser Jory had suggested turning back to camp. Her voice had been dripping with contempt when she'd pointed out that as Grey Wardens it would be their duty to hunt and kill darkspawn.

During their fights with the darkspawn she'd been just as quiet, the only sounds made by her were from the clash of her daggers hitting steel or leather. Alistair had been yelling and shouting like a madman, mostly, so he told himself, to keep the darkspawn focused on him in his heavier armour than on the lithe figure weaving amongst them that was only wearing thin leather. Even Daveth and Ser Jory had been making a racket, Daveth mostly curses, and the man did seem to know a lot of them, and Ser Jory sounded like he was praying the whole time.

And the way she fought, Maker's Breath it was like she was possessed. Only once when coming upon a group of darkspawn had she not just ran straight in, dagger in her right hand trailing behind her pointed to the ground, dagger in her left hand held horizontal across her body, and that was only because of traps in front of the darkspawn that she stopped to disarm. It had been like she danced with the darkspawn, her daggers flashing as they caught the light, always moving never staying in one place too long. Which was just as well really, seen as it was only the fact that she kept moving that saved her from being skewered by a longsword or losing a limb to a great axe, Alistair had seen a couple of close calls in that regard. No she had seemed to have no fear of the _up close and personal_ death that she was handing out or risking.

Watching her now though Alistair couldn't see her being capable of all that cold killing, she'd pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them; she looked so small like that. And he noticed that instead of the blank empty expression she normally had, her eyes were full of pain and her expression so sad that Alistair could feel his heart breaking a little for her.

The wind across the back of his neck made Alistair shiver and he realised he was getting cold and come to think of it hungry. Getting up he headed to grab his cloak and get something to eat, glancing over to where Callie sat he had a thought.

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><p>Callie couldn't remember being this tired. She didn't think she'd even been this tired after leaving Highever. Duncan had kept them both running through the night till well past dawn before he had decided they were far enough away to find a safe spot to rest. She supposed it was more to do with the energy used to fight and kill today that made her feel so tired. Darkspawn were harder to kill than men it seemed, and she had fought with more darkspawn today than men that night at home.<p>

Home…that word brought a pain to her chest that choked her for a moment. She didn't have a home anymore, they'd taken it from her, but some had already paid in blood for it and she would see that the rest pay even more she promised herself. How many had she killed that night? She couldn't remember all she could remember was the rage and grief that coursed through her, the need to see all the attackers' dead. She remembered the one who'd suggested to his friend that they have a little fun with her before they killed her. She'd gutted him while Shan tore the throat from his friend.

She didn't really remember how many they had killed today either, it had to have been a lot from the amount of blood and gore she had cleaned from her armour and her daggers. The first darkspawn they'd come across had filled her with horror and the revulsion that swept through her at the sight of their torn flesh and the smell of rot and decay coming from them had almost made her vomit. King Cailan's comment about taking her grief out on the darkspawn had come to her though and she managed to choke back the bile and the fear and lose herself in the violence.

The thought that if it hadn't been for the darkspawn horde there wouldn't have been a need for an army, Fergus and her father's men would never have been gone from the keep and Howe would never have attacked crossed her mind at some point during their first fight. This thought filled her when she acknowledged it, fuelling her desire, her need, to kill and she had thrown herself into the task with unholy abandon.

A shadow fell over Callie and her hands instinctively went to her daggers, looking up though she saw it was Alistair, the almost-templar Grey Warden, and she relaxed a little. She knew it wasn't wise to trust anyone, not now, not after what had happened, but something about the blonde Grey Warden didn't make her mind scream _danger danger_ like it usually did when anyone other than Duncan came near. Maybe because he was a Grey Warden as well? She didn't think so; it was maybe his inability to hide what he was thinking from showing on his face or his total inability to not make a joke of everything that made him seem not a threat, but she wasn't sure.

"Here, I thought you might be hungry, and you know...em...maybe cold" Alistair said holding out a bowl of stew in one hand and a cloak in his other, a nervous looking expression on his face.

He smiled at her when she took the cloak off him, fastening it with one hand while taking the bowl of food. She tried to smile back and hoped it had been a smile and not a grimace considering he looked so nervous, _why exactly was that?_ She didn't want to make him any more so.

He sat down next to her, Shan gave a low growl but Callie silenced him with a gentle hand on his head. Not that she that blamed the dog, her hackles had risen as well, her body going tense with someone being this closed to her. Shan huffed, got up and moved to lie down between her and Alistair, giving another huff before closing his eyes.

Callie waited, thinking that Alistair was going to start talking; she really hoped he would just say what was on his mind and leave. She didn't feel threatened by him but that didn't mean she wanted to make pleasantries or small talk with him. All he said was "eat" before settling into silence, realising he wasn't planning on leaving she sighed to herself and did as he said.

Callie was almost finished with her food when she realised that she didn't actually mind Alistair's presence. He continued to sit quietly beside her radiating warmth and a quiet strength that reminded her of Fergus. Whenever she was upset but didn't want to talk about it her brother always just sat down beside her like Alistair had done, not saying a word just waiting for her to decide she was okay. Then the memories of Fergus and home washed over her and pain tore through her body, wanting nothing more than to curl up around that pain and not wanting to reveal it to Alistair she got up hastily.

"Thank you for the food. I think I'm going to try and get some sleep" she told Alistair before heading to her tent as fast as she could while trying to make it look like she wasn't fleeing from him.

She threw herself down on her bedroll, curled into a tight ball and tried to empty her mind of memories, of thoughts. When she finally felt calmer, she started drifting towards sleep and just before darkness took her she heard Alistair's voice whispering softly "Don't worry boy, I'll watch over her too."


	3. Chapter 3: Something to Kill

**Chapter 3: Something to kill**

Callie really wanted to kill something; the thought of losing herself in some violence was just so appealing right now. She hadn't wanted to go to Redcliffe, afraid that someone there might recognise her, notice the resemblance to her father or Fergus who were well known to Arl Eamon and many of his knights

She glanced to her right at Alistair. He hadn't left her side since Ostagar, even pitching his tent next to hers when they camped. Ostagar…another betrayal, when Morrigan had told her about Loghain's betrayal of the king, the deaths he'd caused, all she'd wanted to do was get out of the wilds and hunt Howe and Loghain down. She would make them both pay, Howe for her family and Loghain for Duncan, for the king and for all the nameless others that had died on the battlefield because of his treachery.

She hadn't considered Alistair though or what seeing him grieve for those who had died would make her feel. When he saw that she was alive he had hugged her so fiercely that she'd thought he was going to break her ribs, his relief at her being alive so obvious. There was anguish written clearly on his face for all to see as he struggled with the grief over Duncan's and his fellow Grey Wardens' deaths, a grief that she fully understood.

Seeing Alistair's pain had added a new layer to the storm of emotions that she had been keeping shoved down inside since Highever. It actually hurt her to see him in so much pain, this overgrown boy who was nice to everyone and who had shown her nothing but kindness since they'd met. It fuelled her desire for revenge, to hunt down all those responsible for her pain and for Alistair's pain.

Alistair though had other ideas, while she had stood there privately indulging in some very violent revenge scenarios, Alistair talked about Arl Eamon and the Grey Warden treatise with Morrigan's mother Flemeth adding her thoughts to Alistair's ideas.

"_Can we do this then, build an army, defeat the blight?" He'd asked_

_She saw the tiny hope that had kindled in his eyes and listened to his pleading for her to stand with him. She tried to shove the anger and violent thoughts down, clear her head, so she could think about something other than killing people. She thought about the blight, what would happen to Ferelden if it wasn't stopped, but a voice inside told her to forget the blight, to look for Fergus and bring death to her family's murderers, if so many Fereldens were comfortable betraying their fellow countrymen then let the blight have them._

_When she looked back up into Alistair's eyes though grief welled up replacing the anger and a new voice drowned out everything else in her head. She decided vengeance could wait. Alistair needed her, needed her to stay strong, to walk by his side and help him do their duty as Grey Wardens. So she would do her duty, she would do everything in her power to stop the blight, not for the Grey Wardens though and not for Ferelden, but for him – they only had each other now._

After leaving the wilds Callie had planned to put off the journey to Redcliffe for as long as possible, but Alistair's worry and distress over the news in Lothering that the Arl was ill changed her mind. Alistair considered the man family of a sort and he was still so raw with grief over Duncan that she thought it would help ease him a little if they headed there first and see if they could do anything.

It had turned out worse than she'd imagined. Not only was the Arl in a coma from being poisoned but Redcliffe village was being attacked by an army of corpses every night, an army controlled by a child possessed by a demon of all things. Alistair of course wanted to help, not that she would have refused, she was her father's daughter after all. People had died though, simple villagers who were just trying to protect their home and she felt responsible. If she'd insisted on trying to enter the castle when they'd first arrived like she'd wanted, the attack on the village may never have happened and those people wouldn't have had to fight or die.

The thought of those unnecessary deaths twisted Callie's insides and the anger that was egging on her need to kill something rose up again. Sodding bloody Arlessa hiding the fact that her demon infested son was responsible for the deaths of so many people. Flaming Banshee of a woman didn't even have the decency to show any concern for the villagers that looked to her and her husband for protection.

"If only Alistair hadn't suggested going to the circle" Callie thought. "I would have happily bled the bitch dry for that mages ritual." Just to never have to hear that Maker awful screeching voice again was enough of a reason, never mind her total lack of responsibility towards the people of Redcliffe and the fact that she made Alistair's childhood so bad. How could anyone treat a child like that, it was beyond Callie's understanding.

"And now I really need something to kill" she muttered under her breath.

Suddenly an arrow hit the ground in front of Callie, looking up she saw a group of bandits coming out of the treeline.

"Look what we have here" a feral grin spreading on her face.

"Why do you look so happy that someone's attacking us?" Leliana asks, pulling her bow from off her back.

"I was just thinking how I _really_ needed something to kill and poof here we are, it's almost enough to make me believe in the Maker" Callie responds as she pulls her daggers from their sheaths and lopes straight towards their attackers.

Picturing Isolde's face in place of her first opponent's Callie laughs wildly as she feels the tension she'd been carrying drain away. She ducks under the swing of his sword while sidestepping as if to go around him; with a quick thrust and a twist with one dagger up in to his armpit she severs the main artery and moves on to her next target in the knowledge that the blood loss from such a wound will have him dead in seconds.

A yell of "duck" from Leliana and she drops to one knee hearing the whoosh of an arrow from the red head's bow as it flies overhead to skewer one of the archers through the throat.

"Nice shot Lel" she yells back before performing a hasty forward roll to avoid the great axe that was suddenly descending on her. _Where did this guy come from?_ Luckily Morrigan hits the warrior with a paralyse spell before Callie has to worry too much about it and she stabs him in the chest with her left dagger while slicing his throat with her right just for good measure.

Looking up she spots Sten on her left taking down two men and Alistair on her right facing off to four more, knowing Leliana and Morrigan will take care of the remaining archers she turns towards Alistair. When Alistair's shield bash knocks two of his attackers over and his body shifts so that she's shielded from the eyes of the other two Callie does another quick forward roll to disappear in to the shadows of the trees. Alistair's opponents are so focused on her fellow warden that she's unnoticed when she reappears behind them, stabbing one on her left in the kidney and sliding her other dagger through the back up and in to the heart of the one on her right.

A sudden thump and a pressure hitting her right shoulder sends Callie spinning, she trips tumbling over the bodies of Alistair's last two opponents pain flaring in her left ankle as she falls and her head hits something hard with a loud crack before darkness descends.

* * *

><p><em>Is she laughing?<em> Alistair frozen in shock for an instance wonders. He'd seen Callie smile maybe half a dozen times and only heard her laugh once since they'd met and now here she was running straight into a fight _again_ and she was laughing!

_She's a totally lunatic!_ Alistair draws his sword and runs after his not so sane friend. Bringing his shield round in a wide arc he manages to intercept four men heading in Callie's direction. "Focus on me please, ignore the crazy woman" he silently prays. He hears her laugh again and it's not so much of a _I'm happy_ laugh but more of a maniacal _I'm a piece of cheese short of a picnic_ kind of laugh, definitely insane then.

His heart misses a beat when from the corner of his eye he's sees a hulking great axe descend on her from behind. There's no way he can disengage from the men pressing him to get there in time, panic flares in his chest briefly before he realises Callie's attacker had stopped moving. Maybe bringing the witch with them hadn't been such a bad idea after all.

_Shield bash, down you go. Now where has she gone? Oh there you are. Focus man!_ Alistair chides himself. He lunges, his sword piercing the man struggling to get up in front of him through the throat, the other victim of his shield bash not moving having been permanently put down with two of Leliana's arrows in his chest.

There's a sudden whoosh and Alistair's heart stops completely as an arrow comes out of nowhere and Callie spins around and falls to the ground not moving.

"Callie, no!" he screams dropping to his knees beside her totally oblivious as a crack of lightning from Morrigan and a charging mabari disappear into the trees in the direction the arrow came from. His heart starts beating again when he feels the pulse of hers, faint but still there.

"Is she okay?" Leliana appearing at Alistair's side asks "I'm so sorry, I thought Morrigan and I had got all the archers."

"Alive thank the Maker, just unconscious, I think she hit her head." Alistair replies "And it's not your fault Leliana, don't worry. We'll need to find a place to set up camp though and get this arrow out, thankfully it's in her shoulder so hasn't hit anything vital."

Alistair snaps the arrow in half not wanting to just pull it out until the wound can be treated properly. Then as gently as possible he lifts Callie, cradling her in his arms and trying to avoid knocking what's left of the arrows length. A large bruise was already beginning to blossom on her temple where she'd hit it. _She looks so fragile. _Looking down upon her face Alistair is filled with such a mix of emotions it staggers him.


	4. Chapter 4: Who ARe We?

**Chapter 4: Who Are We?**

Alistair put more wood into the fire, watching the flames lick at the edges of their new food source. Leliana and Morrigan had finished treating Callie's wound and she had gone to the stream nearby to clean up.

The worry that Alistair had been feeling for her was almost gone, his relief when she'd regained consciousness had washed over him like a wave, releasing the tightness in his chest that had been threatening to cut off his ability to breathe since he'd seen her fall.

He couldn't stop thinking about the fight, what was she playing at? There were only the two of them left in Ferelden now and yet she ran in to every battle as if she was invincible. The sight of her falling had scared Alistair badly, he couldn't do this without her – _she knew that didn't she?_

Staring at the fire Alistair felt his anger at her recklessness rising. He glanced behind him towards the direction Callie had gone to wash up. He needed to do something, say something; he couldn't lose her like Duncan and his other Grey Warden brothers. Standing up he headed towards the stream.

* * *

><p>Callie winced at the pain in her shoulder as she attempted to pull her tunic on one handed. She knew Leliana or Morrigan would have helped her dress if she'd asked either of them but she didn't want anyone to know how much her injuries hurt her.<p>

Her head was pounding from hitting it on some rock she guessed and she'd sprained her ankle when she'd falling over the bandit's body.

At least they have plenty of health poultices and injury kits in they're packs, if only they had a proper healer in their group.

Alistair's decision to make camp early today had been a good one. She didn't think she would have managed to walk on her ankle today. A chance for some extra rest would be good for all of them anyway. The fight at Redcliffe had been brutal and they had only managed a couple of hours rest before the events at the Castle. Not wanting to risk losing her temper with Isolde she had gathered the group and left for the Circle of Magi as soon as she'd could, they were all tired.

Finally managing to get her tunic on, Callie started to gather her things together when she felt the low churning in her blood that told her Alistair was heading towards her.

The sensation in her blood that connected her to Alistair was still a bit disconcerting. He'd told her she would develop the ability to sense darkspawn approaching but she'd never realised that ability would include him. It made sense though, it was the taint that connected her to the darkspawn and Alistair and her both shared that taint thanks to the joining ritual.

Callie wondered what else the joining ritual had changed about her but hadn't got round to asking questioning Alistair about it yet.

She leaned against a tree not wanting to put too much weight on her ankle; she couldn't afford to show any weakness in front of the others, especially Alistair.

He was looking at his feet, his mouth moving as if he was talking to himself when he came into view. He looked up, saw her watching him and a small frown appeared on his face. When he stopped in front of her Callie saw a fierceness in his expression that she'd never seen before.

"Alistair?"

He took a deep breath and Callie realised it was anger burning in those amber eyes. _Why is he angry?_

Suddenly his face was just inches from hers; his arms stretched either side of her trapping her between his body and the tree. She could feel his breath against her skin, smell the scent of his - a mix of iron, leather and wood smoke. Her heart started pounding uncontrollably in her chest and her breath quickened.

"What is wrong with you? Have you any idea how reckless your being?" Alistair's eyes flashed and his voice was severe.

"Reckless?" Callie breathed, his closeness was making it difficult to think, and the warmth emanating from his body mixed with his scent was sending her mind whirling. _What is wrong with me?_

"You just charged straight at a dozen armed men, a dozen! No thought, no concern or strategy. All of them hadn't even come fully in to the open. You had no idea how many of them there really were. You could have been killed, _you nearly were" _Alistair's voice had become low almost desperate sounding as he uttered those last three words. She could hear the silent "you almost left me alone" like an echo in her head and shame flooded her.

Callie closed her eyes, took a couple of deep breaths and tried to slow down the pounding of her heart.

"I'm sorry, your right I wasn't thinking. I was just so angry with Lady Isolde for the way she handled things with Connor and for the way she treated you, as a child and when we were at Redcliffe."

She saw Alistair's eyes widen and his expression soften at her admission and she started worrying that she had been a little too honest.

Alistair moved back a step, releasing her from the cage he'd made with his body and arms.

"You were angry so you thought you'd run headlong into a fight where we were obviously outnumbered" he asked softly.

She nodded "although I wasn't really thinking of it like that. More they were something to let loose my rage on. Having a temper is a family trait, I've always kept it under control battering training dummies at home," she gave him a hint of a wicked grin "these days all I have are bandits and darkspawn to batter."

She sighed heavily and shifted her weight, grimacing as pain caused by the movement shot through her ankle.

"What's wrong? Is it your shoulder?" Alistair asked noticing, he moved towards her again arms outstretched, hands fluttering about.

Sighing again Callie waved away his concern. "No I'm fine, just need to sit for a minute."

Alistair stood frowning a little as she eased herself to the ground, leaning her back against the tree.

"Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yeah, yeah. Nothing a couple of health poultices and a decent night's sleep won't fix."

Callie rubbed her hand over her eyes, she didn't want him to think she was weak in anyway, she needed a subject change.

"Tell me something, why did you hide you were King Maric's son?"

Alistair pulled a face and sat down next to her. "You never asked" he quipped.

"I guess I kind of liked you not knowing" he turned his head to face her and Callie raised an eyebrow at him.

"People who knew always treated me different, even Duncan kept me from the fighting. I guess I wanted you to like me for me."

"I do like you Alistair" she tried to assure him. She could understand that, how many times in her life had someone been nice to her just because she was the Teyrn's daughter.

"Anyway you're one to talk about hiding who you are" Alistair challenged.

Callie was confused at that, okay she didn't talk about her family, it was just too painful, but Alistair knew who she was didn't he.

"I mean you pick lock and pockets, yes I've seen you when you thought I wasn't looking, like a professional thief. You curse more than most soldiers I know but you spoke to Bann Teagan and Lady Isolde like a noble raised at court, your all…contradictory…that's the right word, isn't it."

"How much did Duncan tell you about me?" She really didn't want to have this conversation, explain about her family, but she guessed it was only fair, he'd told her about Maric.

"Just that you were from Highever and your family had been killed."

She looked up at him from under her eye lashes, trying to keep the pain of talking about her family from showing. "My name is Callie Cousland…"

"Cousland? Then your father was…"

"Teyrn Cousland, yes."

"Maker's Breath Callie what happened? Who would attack a Teyrn and his family?" The shock and horror in Alistair's voice was hard to miss, it was like an echo of her own voice questioning after the first moment of the attack that night.

"Arl Howe" she spat, she could hear the venom in her voice as she said the name. "He was my father's friend, he betrayed us. His men attacked the castle after my brother had left with my father's men to join the king's army. The only reason I'm alive is because Duncan was staying at the castle, he took me from it. My father was dying, my mother wouldn't leave him, and I would have died defending them if Duncan hadn't been there."

Looking away from him Callie forced back the emotions surging up inside her. She couldn't let them overwhelm her, there was too much to do, too many people relying on her.

She jumped suddenly at the feeling of Alistair's hand touching hers; she still avoided contact with anyone as much as possible. In some ways she'd forgotten what it was liked to be touched, when it didn't involve violence that was.

"Callie, I'm so sorry" he whispered softly, then more forcefully said "We'll find him and he'll pay for what he did."

Callie looked up at him, meeting his eyes. There was a strange cast to them, a mix of softness and ferociousness that made her heart stutter. His hand still rested lightly on top of hers and she was hyper aware of that touch. It felt like an electric current was passing between them and she felt heat building up under her skin.

Pulling away from his gaze her voice cracked a little as she tried to make her tone light "As for my skills, I spent most of my childhood underfoot of my father's men, I wanted to grow up to be a fighter like they were and they kind of adopted me as a sort of pet or mascot. Spend that much time around so many different soldiers and you learn a lot of curses and a few skills that don't involve swinging a blade."

She gave Alistair a half smile "Knowing how to pick a lock came in very handy when I was ten and there were mabari puppies in the kennels. I was always sneaking in at night to play with them and my mother had the kennel master put a lock on the door to try and discourage me. So I guess you could say she was responsible for my first step in my life of crime and she was definitely responsible for the court politics and diplomacy lessons I was forced to take after the incident with Bann Ceorlic's youngest son."

"Incident?" Alistair asked her, amusement sounding in his voice.

"When I was fifteen I kind of broke his nose and gave him a rather nice scar, if I do say so myself, on his neck with my dagger" she admitted, and she still wasn't sorry about it either.

Alistair's laughter boomed "You beat up a Bann's son when you were fifteen that's awesome. May I ask why you assaulted a noble son?"

"He was a suitor, seemed quite nice, not as stuffy and stuck up as the rest of them. Happy to go riding or hiking with me, didn't mind I spent several hours a day in the training yard and wasn't too condescending. I mean it's not like I wanted to get married but my mother had already started to push the whole duty to marry thing and I needed to choose a husband. So I figured if I had to marry someone he didn't seem to be too bad a choice, considering the rest of my suitors anyway."

"So you proposed by beating him up?" Alistair laughed again.

Callie glared a little at him. "Don't hit me, I bruise easily remember" he said putting his hands up in mock surrender.

"No I did not propose to that lying two-face bastard. I overheard him bragging to his friends that our fathers were getting close to sealing the deal. That he couldn't wait until the betrothal contract was signed and he could go home and stop pretending to like all the outdoors activities. How that once we were married he'd put a stop to all my fighting nonsense and teach me how to be a proper noble's wife, although the fact that I was so spirited would make breaking me in all the more enjoyable…"she paused before adding "I kind of lost my temper a bit, took four of my father's men to pull me off of him I was in such a rage. Mother was not happy with me, but Fergus told me that he and father would have done worse if they'd been there to hear all that."

She pulled a face at the memory of her brother's face that day, the fury he'd been in when she'd told him what had happened, it sent a stab a pain through her chest but her walls held and her emotions were kept at bay behind them.

"Aren't we a pair" she said softly. The lost heir to the throne and a missing…presumed dead… noble daughter being hunted across a country they're trying to save. It's like some bad children's story."

"I wouldn't call us that" Alistair griped lightly.

"Okay, then who are we?" She asked him.

He took her hand again "We're Alistair and Callie, Grey Wardens of Ferelden, companions, friends…partners."

He took her chin in his free hand, turning her face towards his and leaning his forehead against hers. "No-one will hurt you again Callie, I won't let them" he whispered gently, then pulling his head back slightly his voice more jovial. "You and me against the world…for the world… side by side, until the inevitable tragic and violent but obviously glorious death" he finished with a wide cheeky grin spreading across his face.

Callie smiled back at him "I guess I can live with that."


	5. Chapter 5: Grief

**Chapter 5: Grief**

_A/N Thanks so much for the alerts/favourites and the reviews. It really puts a smile on my face when I get those emails._

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><p>Alastair was exhausted, he couldn't remember the last time he's had a full night's sleep, before Ostagar? No wait after, in the Wilds, Flemeth's, right? He ran a hand across his face, rubbing his eyes; it was all starting to run into together, the last few weeks. It was just all an endless stream of darkspawn attacks, ambushes by bandits and what seemed like a perpetual line of people asking for aid.<p>

Callie had set a gruelling pace back to Redcliffe from the Circle Tower, only saying that they had to get back to Connor as soon as they could. But then after Connor was saved she had rushed them all out of Redcliffe, politely turning down Teagan's offer of a real bed for a few nights, silencing the grumbles from everyone at the refusal with a flash of cold eyes.

Alastair glanced over to where Callie was rummaging through her pack; she had been so quiet since they had left the circle. Almost as quiet as she had been when Duncan brought her to Ostagar, not quite as remote as she'd been then, still answering questions from their companions but she'd didn't seek out conversation or even company.

He sighed, not even his company. He'd thought they had become close in the last weeks, well as close as she would allow anyway. There was always that wall that she kept up between herself and the rest of the world, never letting any hint of what was going on inside her to slip out, never letting anyone in.

Movement to his left caused Alastair to turn and he saw Leliana moving to talk with the assassin, Zevran. And what was that all about, letting him not only live, but join them. Normally she didn't give anyone who attacked them a chance to even breath before sliding one of her daggers in them, but for some Maker's own reason she'd spared the elf, who freely admitted to being hired to kill them, and even accepted his offer to aid her.

Alastair was beginning to seriously consider his original death wish impression of her.

Letting out another heavy sigh, Alastair turned back to watch Callie. She looked as exhausted as he felt, not that she would ever admit it. He wished he had an idea of what was wrong, something, anything that would allow him to cheer her up. His usually stock of humour had failed him so far, what he wouldn't give to see even a hint of the smile he somehow usually managed to get out of her. He didn't understand that either, from the moment Alastair had met her he'd become even more of a bumbling idiot than normal whenever in her presence. But somehow, she'd always smile at him and sometimes he'd see what looked like a genuine flicker of warmth in those cold blue eyes.

It was like a hint of the person she'd been before, the frozen cast to her eyes melted, a hint of fire burning in the background. He clenched his fist "Damn you Howe. May you rot in the void for what you've done." He wished he'd known her before, just to know what she looked like when she had truly smiled, had eyes that reflected that smile.

And now they were heading to Denerim. Connor had been back to his old self barely fifteen minutes and Isolde was all but demanding they go look for Andraste's Urn of Ashes in a hope to save Arl Eamon's life. As much as Alastair wanted to do everything to save the Arl, he had been surprised when Callie had agreed without a pause to consider the request. But when he thought about it, she'd been like that from the start; someone asks her for help, she gave it. "And how many bothered to even thank her?" he thought slightly bitterly.

At that thought he strode over to where she was crouched on the ground, "Now that we're back at camp, I want to talk about what happened at Redcliffe" he said brusquely.

Callie started at the sound of his voice, Alastair wanted to kick himself. "Maker's Breath man, what's wrong with you? You came over to say something nice and instead you sound like you're here to execute her or something."

Trying to keep his tone soft he started again "I just wanted to thank you. You went out of your way to save the Arl's family, when it would have been easier not to."

"I wasn't about to kill a child" She replied softly.

"You're a good person." He told her, and then his eyes widened in shock as she visibly flinched at his statement.

He watched as she mumbled something unintelligible, picked up a bundle from the top of her pack and walked towards the stream they were camped by, wondering what in Thedas had caused her to react in such a way.

* * *

><p>"You're a good person" Alastair's words echoed in Callie's head, almost like an accusation over and over. Her vision blurred and she tripped on the root of a tree nearly sending her tumbling down the bank into the stream.<p>

She wasn't a good person, the only reason she hadn't taken Isolde up on her offer of sacrifice was because Alistair was there. If it had just been her and Morrigan she would have gladly taken the knife to the stuck up Orlesian herself. But she had known that would have horrified Alistair, who was so good and innocent, he would never contemplate such an act. That was what she was good at though, all that she was good for now…killing, bringing death to all those that stood in front of her and what made it worse was a small part of her was beginning to enjoy it. The release of tension violence brought, the adrenaline rush that washed all thought from her mind, her body moving on instinct and with Alistair at her side it was becoming almost too easy.

_I'm turning into a monster. Darkspawn, bandits, assasins, poor farmers only desperate for some coin, so many enemies these days and all falling beneath my blades. I bring nothing but death and they want me to save the world. What kind of world will be left once I've drowned it in blood?_

Feeling the growing moisture in her eyes, she tried to force herself to calm. "You won't cry, you won't cry" she whispered over and over like a mantra. "You won't cry, you won't cry." She concentrated on her breathing…in, out, in, out…trying desperately to re-enforce the walls in her mind. She had felt the cracks in them forming with every step they had taken through the Circle tower, threatening to unleash the deluge of emotions she had been shoving down since she'd left home. There was no way she could afford that, she had to remember her duty to her family, to her country…to Alistair, she couldn't exactly take on a darkspawn horde, Loghain, or Howe if she was a gibbering wreck.

Dropping to the ground she stared down at her reflection in the slow moving waters of the stream and barely recognised herself. Her face was thinner, starting to verge on gaunt even, every spare ounce of fat – and she hadn't really that much to begin with – had been burned away or turned to muscle with the constant travelling and fighting and the increase in appetite since her joining didn't help as they were having a hard time gathering enough coin for food – never mind the gear they needed – and with the land in such a turmoil there wasn't exactly an abundance of game for them to hunt. Deep purple shadows under her eyes made them look even more sunken than the weight loss had. She hadn't been getting nearly enough sleep for all the physical activity she'd been enduring, too many nightmares.

Alistair had explained about the darkspawn dreams but they weren't the issue, in fact most nights when she lay down she prayed for one of those nightmares. No it was the ones about Highever, the night of the attack that were the problem. Every night she was forced to relive it, some nights she was chained, helpless, forced to watch everyone she knew and loved die in front of her, Howe standing next to her his voice mocking as he gave a running commentary to those deaths. Sometimes it was her ending those lives, daggers in hand, sliding in to the flesh of her loved ones as their eyes questioned "why?" She should have stayed; she should have protected them better, she should have gutted Howe like a fish the moment he stepped foot in the castle that day.

Callie shook her head trying desperately to clear those thoughts from her mind; her father had wanted her to live, to be a Cousland, to do her duty as one.

A noise behind her caused her to turn and she saw Shan coming through the bushes. "Hey boy, what you up to?" The mabari trotted over to her putting one paw on her knee and gently butted her chin with his nose before meeting her eyes with a long soulful look.

"I'm fine" she told him, to which he gave a low whine. "Okay I'm not fine, but I'm as close to it as it gets right now." She gave his ear a rub "At least we have the mages support eh, well what's left of them anyway."

The Circle had been horrifying for her, even more so than Ostagar. At least there they were soldiers, most of them had at least been able to fight back even knowing that they had little chance of survival. But at the tower, so many were just children unable to defend themselves, cut down in the place they called home before even having a chance of growing up, while most of the Templars had ran to safety leaving the mages to die. She'd never really liked the idea of Templars and now, well, she had to wonder if things would have become so bad if mages weren't treated so badly.

Seeing the children in the tower, their small bodies broken and bloodied on the floor had been like a knife to the chest, reminding her of little Oren. Her sweet little nephew whose last words to her had been about learning to use a sword.

"Oh Oren" she whispered, with those words her walls came crashing down and the tears she had managed to hold back came down in torrents.

* * *

><p>"I'll cook, I thought I'd make rabbit stew" Alistair told Leliana reaching out to take the rabbits that the bard was holding.<p>

"No no, it's alright Alistair I don't mind cooking tonight" she replied holding the rabbits behind her back out of his reach.

Alistair pretended that he hadn't seen the look of disgust flash across her face when he said the word stew.

"I insist, Callie needs something filling, she's worn out and she hasn't been getting enough…" he stopped suddenly as he was overwhelmed by a surge of pain and…_what in the Maker's name_.

"Maker" he gasped as a crushing weight of grief, rage and agony swamped him.

"Alistair?" he barely heard Leliana's questioning voice as he struggled to understand what was happening. _Where was this coming from?_

Suddenly he realised _Callie!_ The taint the wardens shared allowed them to sense each other as well as the darkspawn and until a newly joined warden had learned to shield themselves it also meant the others could sometimes sense their strong emotions. He'd felt nothing from Callie since she'd joined, he'd started to sense her presence as the taint took its hold of her but of her emotions he'd felt nothing, it was like she was an empty shell. This though, Maker's Breath, even feeling every injury he'd ever taken all at once was nowhere near this pain.

"Alright you cook" he told Leliana as he started a quick walk to where Callie was through the trees, which turned into an all-out run when a scream of anguish, inhuman sounding with the amount a pain it contained resonated through the small clearing.

Another scream, more animalistic than human and Callie was there in front of him. Her body was heaving from violent sobs as she rocked back and forth, softer cries now escaping from between her lips. Shan, her mabari, was whining softly and trying to push his head under her arms which were wrapped tightly round her knees.

Two long strides and he was down on his knees beside her, gathering her in his arms. She tried to pull away from his grasp but Alistair just pulled her tight against his chest, one arm wrapped around her waist, his other around her shoulders his hand resting gently on the back of her head.

_Maker help me, what do I do?_ The strength of Callie's emotions was unbearable, Alistair couldn't believe that a person could feel so much pain and still function. _This is what she's been living with all this time? No wonder she seems a bit insane on occasion. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, well actually I wish it on Howe, he deserves to feel at least this much pain._

"It's okay, it's okay, I'm here" He whispered softly to her as he gently stroked the back of her head.

"Dead, all dead" she mumbled into his chest "Aldos, Nan, Oren, Oriana…" She continued what Alistair assumed was a litany of names but the words became incoherent as her sobs got worse.

"What's wrong, has she been hurt?" Alistair looked up from Callie to see the others standing a short distance away. Wynne who'd been the one to voice the question was walking towards the two of them.

"No, go back to what you were all doing, I've got her." He told them waving them away with one hand.

"Go, she doesn't need you all standing there gawking" he said more forcefully when they hesitated. Wynne looked like she was about to argue but Leliana put a hand on her shoulder encouraging her to leave them alone. Alistair threw her a grateful look and the bard gave him a small smile that did little to cover the worry in her eyes before turning and shooing the others back to the clearing where their tents were.

Callie continued to mumble between sobs, her whole body shuddering in his arms with the force of them. He could feel the wetness of her tears soak into the front of his tunic which she was clutching tightly in her fists now as well. Knowing that there was nothing he could say Alistair just continued to stroke her back with one hand and her hair with the other. "I'm here, I've got you, I'm here" He whispered over and over.

Alistair lost all track of how long he sat there with Callie in his arms, he just held her tightly and murmured soothing sounds letting her cry into his chest. Sometimes she would say something but her sobbing made it impossible for him to make out the words although right now he didn't think that mattered, what she needed was just his presence.

Eventually Callie's sobs quieten, the tears still flowed down her face but her breath had evened, no longer harsh and ragged and the violent tremors of her body calmed leaving only a faint tremble. As gently as he could Alistair gathered her more securely in his arms and stood.

"You need some rest" he said softly to her "let's get you to your tent."

As he walked Alistair looked down at the girl in his arms and wished he could take away her pain, that he could somehow go back in time and save her family. "Maker let me give her justice, let me find all those who have caused this suffering" he prayed silently.

He could feel the eyes of the others on them both as he emerged from the trees but he ignored them until he reached Callie's tent.

"We're staying here for a couple of days, the last week has been particularly hard and we could all do with some time to rest and recover" he informed their companions before ducking inside the tent.

He laid her down on her bedroll but as he went to move away Callie clung tightly to his tunic.

"Don't leave me" her voice was soft and pleading.

Glad that he'd already taken his armour off Alistair lay down beside her. He slipped an arm under her head and pulled her in tight against his side.

"Never" he replied, knowing as he said the word that the only thing that would ever make him leave her side would be death.


	6. Chapter 6: Weapon of Choice

**Chapter 6: Weapon of Choice**

****_A/N Sorry it took so long to update, the real world has been a bit demanding of late. Thanks again for the favourites/subscribes, it makes me very happy to think that people are enjoying the story.  
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_There's a bit of game dialogue in this chapter, because, well, I'm a totally sucker when it comes to Alistair conversations and it just fitted in so well here.  
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* * *

><p>Alistair lay on his side, head propped up on one hand, looking down on Callie. She looked so peaceful, her face smooth, so innocent and free of worry. To look at her now you would never know all she'd faced and all that she will face in the future.<p>

She had woken screaming three times during the night, Alistair had known she had been having nightmares but he'd just assumed that they were darkspawn related. Lying next to her last night meant that he finally heard the words she spoke before the screams and he'd realised that it was the attack on her home that filled her nightmares.

He should have known he'd been so wrapped up in his own grief over Duncan and his brother wardens and then his worry over Arl Eamon that he hadn't thought about how Callie must have been feeling. Her family murdered then the loss of her new family at Ostagar. _I'm a bad friend_. He'd never even considered what she must be going through. He'd even dumped the responsibility of being in charge of their merry band of misfits on her. Obviously he couldn't be in charge though, that would just lead to badness and no pants, but he should have seen how much strain she was under.

After she'd woken the third time Morrigan had come to the tent and cast some kind of sleep spell on Callie, saying it would allow her to sleep for a few hours without dreams, allow her to rest properly. Alistair was still shocked at that, he didn't think the witch knew the meaning of the word compassion never mind be capable of actually showing some. If it hadn't been for the genuine look of concern in her eyes when she looked at Callie, Alistair would have assumed that Morrigan was tired of been woken up by the screaming and was doing it so she could get some sleep.

Each time Callie had woken Alistair had pulled her tight against him and she'd buried her face in his chest, fresh tears staining the front of his tunic. At some point she had taken hold of his hand as well and now he marvelled at the feel of her fingers intertwined with his.

"Feels, good, feels right somehow" he thought as he stared down at their hands, lifting them slightly, examining how her long slender fingers fitted so smoothly and perfectly into his much larger hands. They both had calluses from their weapons but where his were hard and rough, Callie's were somehow still soft and smooth, you would never know they were deadly hands from looking at them.

He sighed, he knew he should probably get up, it was past dawn now and he had his armour to see to, having left it in a heap outside his own tent last night, and Callie's armour would be in the same condition. When he thought about it he was really hungry as well, he should get up and make a start on breakfast. Callie would probably be starving when she woke up too; both of them had missed eating last night.

Alistair really didn't want to move though, the warmth of Callie's body curled against his, the feel of her hand in his, it was just too comfortable and a part of him really never wanted to move ever again.

Callie stirred and Alistair laid their hands back down. What to do, what to say? She had shown more emotion last night than the entire time he'd know her and he wasn't sure how she'll react in the aftermath or how he should behave. _Should I acknowledge it or just pretend it didn't happen and just act like I normally do? Either way I'll come off as an idiot, which idiot is better though? _He was still dithering over what he should do when he realised Callie was looking at him.

She gave him a weak smile "Morning".

"Morning" his stomach rumbled loudly. _Smooth Alistair, very smooth._ "You hungry?"

Callie gave him another small smile as her stomach gave a growl of its own in answer.

Alistair grinned "I'll go start on breakfast."

He let go of her hand, a wistful look flashing across his face as he did and got up. Pushing back one flap of the tent he took one step out and promptly tripped over Shan who had taken up guard duty right in front of the tent during the night.

"Bloody dog" he started to grumble as he landed in a heap on the ground but was shocked in to silence when he heard Callie laughing and it was a proper laugh, not weak or quiet and short-lived like the very few other times he heard her laugh. Sure, it wasn't a full on, starts in the belly laugh but it was still more than anything he'd heard before.

"Breakfasts going to be difficult to make lying on the ground" she said, her head popping out the front of the tent.

"Not my fault. There should be a sign, beware of the mabari or something."

Callie laughed again and Alistair couldn't keep the smile from spreading across his face.

"Right breakfast" he said clambering to his feet.

_Maybe it's going to be okay. I just need to be more observant, make sure I'm there for her when she needs it. Watch over her better like I promised Duncan._

* * *

><p>Callie watched Alistair start on the breakfast for a minute, a small smile playing at her lips, before closing the tent flap over. He had always managed to make her smile, even laugh a little, ever since she'd first seen him giving cheek to a mage at Ostagar.<p>

When she had first woken she'd watched him for a couple of minutes before he had noticed she was awake. She hadn't known what to say, she couldn't believe she'd broken down like that. What must the others think? How could she lead them when she was so obviously weak?

Callie rolled her shoulders and sighed. Thankfully Alistair had managed to defuse the awkwardness she'd felt with his usual innocent charm but that only took care of the now, what about when she got up out of the tent? She wasn't ready to talk about her family; the storm of emotions was still so great inside her. They were too close to the surface now, she needed to push them back down and rebuild her walls.

She gave a low growl in the back of her throat. _Stop thinking about it, too much thinking, always been my problem. Day's activities, let's just concentrate on that, first bathe seen as I never got round to it last night, then breakfast. Not going to think about anything else until after that. _

Callie spotted her wash things tucked in the front corner; someone must have brought them up from the stream after Alistair had carried her back here. _No don't think about that._ She grabbed a clean tunic and her wash things then ducked out the tent. Alistair looked up as she came out and she pointed towards the stream before heading in its direction.

* * *

><p>"Did I just hear Callie laugh?"<p>

Alistair looked up to see Leliana coming out of her tent. "Yeah, Shan decided to play the part of a tripwire this morning."

Leliana smiled "I don't think I've ever heard her laugh properly before. Is she alright? I don't want to pry, Callie's always been very quiet when it comes to herself, but if there's anything I can do to help, talk to her maybe?"

Alistair looked out towards the direction Callie had walked. "I don't know, she had something of a bad time before we met you, I guess she's not really had time to deal with it and considering the time we've had since…" he paused then gave a small sigh "I don't think she'll talk, then again I know her mind as much as you do, so she might."

"We'll let her decide then, just carry on as normal. I'm sure she'll let us know when she's ready" Leliana patted his shoulder gently "Now let me help you with breakfast."

"I thought I'd use the eggs that were in the supplies Bann Teagan gave us, because you know if we still have them tomorrow when we move on we'll be ambushed by something, the eggs will get broken in the fight and somebody will end up with raw egg all over their gear. Probably be me, sounds like something that I would do."

Leliana laughed "Sounds perfectly reasonable. I'll grab some herbs, ooh and some of those berries growing at the edge of the trees. Let's make a proper meal of it, seen as you decided we're having a rest day, no need to rush this morning."

Leliana skipped away, humming a happy tune as she went. Alistair shook his head, she maybe a little crazy but at least she was always cheerful. He looked back out towards the direction Callie was but he couldn't see her, he could still feel the small tug that was her presence but he could no longer feel any of her emotions. That was weird; he hadn't noticed when that had stopped. Thank the Maker it had, he didn't think he would have been able to function feeling all that for long, still how could he not notice all that pain and rage was gone? _Guess I got a bit preoccupied._

As he went about the meal preparations Alistair found his mind kept wandering to the sight of Callie in his arms, the feel of her skin, the warmth of her body against his. She was so beautiful, he had thought that the moment he saw her, even with the wounds and bruises. There was a hidden softness to her behind her deadly mask, he was sure of it. _Ooh cheese, I'll have that._ She wouldn't be so willing to help people if she didn't have a good heart. _Hmmm, good cheese. _Just thinking about her sent a warm pleasant feeling spreading out across his chest.

The sound of Leliana's humming coming back towards him broke into his thoughts and he watched the little red head skipping back towards him.

"So... you're female, Leliana, right?"

"I am? That's news. When did that happen?" she replied laughing and dropped to the ground next to him, clutching what appeared to be her spare tunic filled with berries and herbs.

Alistair blushed "I just wanted some advice. What should I do if... if I think a woman is special and…"

Leliana smiled at him then popped a berry in her mouth "You want to woo her? Here's a good tip: you shouldn't question her about her female-ness."

Alistair felt the heat of his blush deepen "All right, yes. Good point." _Total idiot…me._

The laughter shinning in Leliana's eyes softened and she reached out laying one hand upon his. "Why do you ask? Are you afraid things will not proceed naturally?"

He gave her a grimace, "Why would they? Especially when I do things like ask women if they're female."

She laughed lightly and patted his hand, "It adds to your charm, Alistair. You are a little awkward. It is endearing."

_Wait…what…awkward endearing? _ "So I should be awkward? Didn't you just say not to do things like that?"

She grinned wickedly at him, "Just be yourself. You do know how to do that, don't you?"

_Okay, I've decided she's evil. Why did I think it would be a good idea to ask? Let's just forget about it, move on. Oooh more cheese, excellent._

"What is this? Our soon to be King has already picked out his future Queen. Do I know the lucky lady? If not I insist you introduce me so that I may properly school her in the art of seduction. As a wedding night gift to you…of course." Zevran's grin was wide and his tone thick with the promise of endless innuendo as he appeared behind Leliana.

Alistair groaned, _so much for forgetting about it._ "No Kings around here, therefore no future Queens either, what a shame…moving on then."

Zevran laughed lightly, "Ahh, I see. The offer shall stand, however, for in the future." He winked at Leliana, then bent and whispered something in her ear that had her giggling and playfully swatting him on the arm.

Alistair gave a mental sigh. _How does he do that? Right, damn it…fine…let's just ask and get it over with._

"Zevran, you've had very many women in your time, right? I mean... you seem like the sort of man who would..."

Zevran smiled lasciviously "I have indulged from time to time, perhaps, when my interest is not elsewhere."

"Right. Well, how do you... woo them? Is there a... technique? Or..." Alistair could feel the heat of his blush again, was it possible to spontaneously combust from embarrassment?

"Woo them? Are you quite serious?" Zevran's smile turned into an all-out grin as he let out a loud laugh.

"Er... yes? I don't know what else to call it." _Stupid Alistair, you just had to ask…that spontaneous combustion looking good right about now._

"So let me get this straight. You have... never wooed? Not once? You are woo-less, as it were?" The elf was trying not to laugh too hard but he also looked like he wanted to give Alistair his sympathy.

Alistiar grunted, "All right. Bad idea. Never mind. Look, breakfast's ready, let's get the others shall we."

Breakfast was a fairly lively affair. Zevran spent most of the meal trying to seduce Leliana. Alistair wondered if the variety of lines the Antivan was using were for his benefit after their earlier conversation. Wynne scolded him half-heartedly for leaving more of his holey socks in her pack, although he was sure she liked being able to mother them all. Morrigan appeared to be flirting with Sten, _now that was just creepy._ No-one mentioned the events of last night and he supposed that was the point.

Callie herself sat next to him, smiling at her friends antics, even laughing lightly now and then at Leliana's smooth put downs to Zevran's chat-up lines.

Alistair watched her from the corner of his eye. Her face wasn't as empty of expression as usual; he could see sadness reflected in her eyes even as she smiled. It reminded him of that first night at Ostagar, when in an unguarded moment he had seen her pain shinning out from behind those eyes. It made him want to put his arm around her, tell her it would be okay, that he was and always would be here for her.

It was all just so confusing. He'd never had feelings like this before for someone and he had no idea what to do about it.

"Tell her how you feel, you might be surprised." Leliana whispered in his ear.

Alistair jumped; he hadn't even noticed Leliana get up from her seat next to Zevran. He looked up at her and she nodded in Callie's direction, smiling reassuringly at him.

"It'll be fine, trust me." She gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze then took his empty plate and said louder. "Zev and I will do the dishes."

The Antivan looked up "We will?"

Alistair saw Leliana look at him then Callie before giving Zevran a meaningful look.

"Ah, yes, we will" Zevran laughed "She cannot resist my charm, desperate to get me alone, yes."

Alistair sighed; the two of them were going to make the situation more difficult if they had the chance, or more embarrassing. Although, so far, he was doing a fine job of that himself.

"Alistair, you may as well give me any more of your socks that need darned, seen as I seem to have acquired three already." Wynne said as she also got up, "Bring them over to my tent."

He grinned; he knew if he left enough in her pack she would offer eventually. _Ha! What do you know, a plan worked_.

"Looks like your scheme worked" Callie gave him a grin.

"How did you…no, never mind, I'm just going to bask in the glory of the plans workiness" Callie's smile sent a flutter through Alistair's heart, distracting him, she was even more beautiful when she smiled. "Though best to get them to her now…before she changes her mind."

He wandered to his tent and started rummaging through his pack. As he pulled out an offending sock he spotted the rose he had picked in Lothering. He was surprised it had managed to stay in one piece this long, admittedly it was starting to wilt around the edges though. D_elicate looking but you're a tough one aren't you?...a bit like Callie_.

He stared at the pink petals for a while, oblivious to how he must look, completely lost in the flowers softness and beauty. Maybe Wynne would enchant it for him.

* * *

><p>"Why are we stopping, there is blight to contend with."<p>

Callie looked up at Sten, the Qunari giant towering above her had a disapproving look on his face.

"It's been non-stop fighting and travelling since Lothering. We need a rest before heading to Denerim."

"Why are we going to Denerim? There are no darkspawn there."

"The supplies Bann Teagan gave us will not last long, we need more and we need to upgrade our gear. You're wearing a mish mash of whatever we've found that'll fit you, Alistair's is barely holding together, to be honest Zevran's the only one whose gear is in a reasonable state and that's because he's only been with us a week. All that costs coin though, which we're not exactly rich in. Denerim will have opportunities to make some." Callie paused and Sten just stared directly at her, appearing unimpressed.

"Do you think the seven of us can defeat the horde and kill the archdemon ourselves? No…we need to gather an army. That takes time and during that time we need food weapons and armour. We can't fight the darkspawn weak from hunger, with our bare hands and wearing nothing but our smallclothes. That is why we're going to Denerim." _No need to mention the hunt for Andraste's Ashes, Sten was all one track mind and that track was darkspawn._

Sten nodded once "That is acceptable" then turned and walked away, disappearing behind his tent.

Callie looked over at Morrigan who inclined her head towards her then she too wandered away.

"And then there was one. Something I said or more like avoiding the crazy lady." Callie asked Shan who had sat himself across her feet. The mabari gave a low huff and closed his eyes.

"Such wisdom you have to share."

Callie rolled her shoulders, trying not to think about it all and reached over for her armour. Alistair and Sten weren't the only ones that needed new armour; hers had more damaged areas than whole these days. She really didn't want to part with it though; it had been a present from Fergus on her last birthday.

She remembered how horrified Oriana, she had loved her sister-in-law dearly but she had no clue sometimes, had been that he had thought it a suitable 18th birthday present for a noble woman. But her brother knew her well and she had loved it. It fitted her like a second skin allowing her total freedom of movement and considering the fighting she'd done the last couple of months it had certainly done its job protecting her.

"Where are you Fergus?" she whispered. She refused to believe he was dead, he had been somewhere in the wilds when the horde hit Ostagar which meant he had to have missed the battle. She would find him she swore, after dealing with the darkspawn and making Howe pay, she would find him even if it meant searching every inch of the wilds. _I will find you and you will become Teyrn as is right now that father is gone. Howe will pay, they all will, I promise you brother._

"Someone needs new armour."

Callie smiled up at Alistair, grateful he'd appeared in time to stop where her train of thoughts had been taking her.

"I was just thinking the same thing."

He sat down beside her, "Here look at this, do you know what this is?"

Callie looked down at the rose he handed to her. "Your new weapon of choice?"

Alistair laughed and started brandishing his sword arm about. "Yes that's right. Watch as I thrash our enemies with the mighty power of floral arrangements. Feel my thorns darkspawn, I will overpower you with my rosy scent."

Callie couldn't help but laugh, the image of Alistair fighting darkspawn with a bunch of roses instead of a sword was just so funny. She could see it now, petals flying, darkspawn discovering they could get hayfever, Alistair yelling "Feel my thorns". It was even funnier than that of him in a dress dancing the Remigold.

"Or you know it could just be a rose. I know that's pretty dull in comparison."

Callie brushed her thumb across the soft petals. "I quite like both descriptions."

"I picked it in Lothering, I remember thinking 'How could something so beautiful exist in a place with so much despair and ugliness?' I probably should have left it alone, but I couldn't. The darkspawn would come and their taint would just destroy it. So I've had it ever since."

She looked up at him and smiled. "That's a nice sentiment Alistair."

A faint blush flushed across Alistair's cheeks, he looked away briefly then turned back to her. "I thought I might…you know…give it to you. In a lot ways, I think the same thing when I look at you."

Callie couldn't help herself "Because I'm all thorns or I'm a gentle flower?" she teased.

Alistair laughed "A gentle flower. No, I…don't know that I'd put it that way, the thorns thing maybe though" he teased back and his blush deepened as he continued. "With all the fighting and death and such I thought maybe I could say something." He paused and huffed out a breath "Tell you what a rare and wonderful thing you are to find amidst all this darkness."

Callie could feel her own cheeks blush now as she wanted to throw her arms around him and tell him that was the nicest thing she'd ever heard. _What is wrong with me? I want to act like some boy-crazed girl! Swooning at the sight of a handsome face and a broad chest. _She looked down at the rose then back up at Alistair._ Well, he is handsome and his chest is broad and those arms…_She remembered the rise and fall of his chest beneath her cheek, the strength in his arms wrapped around her…_Stop that, bad thoughts, bad thoughts._

She shook her head slightly, clearing the images of the two of them from her mind and reached out to lay her hand on his "That's a nice…I mean…thank you."

"I'm glad you like it. Now if we could move right on past this awkward embarrassing stage and get right to the steamy bits, I'd appreciate it." His words almost running together as his obvious embarrassment grew.

Callie laughed as his blush spread up to the tips of his ears. _ I don't think a person can go any redder. _"Sounds good. Off with the armour then."

He proved her wrong then, going completely scarlet. Laughing nervously, he slipped his hand out from under hers and scratched the back of his head. "Bluff called. Damn! She saw right through me."

"You're so cute when you're bashful." Callie again can't help teasing him a little.

"I'll be…" he laughs nervously again as he stumbles, nearly tripping in his haste to stand up. "I'll be standing over here just to be…uh…safe. You know how it is."

Callie watched him trying to look like he wasn't fleeing her and smiled again. There was something about Alistair, she felt so safe when he was beside her and it was so easy to be with him. She could almost be her old self when she with him. But she knew the Callie Cousland of old was long gone, there was a darkness inside her now, she could feel it and she wasn't so sure it was taint from the joining that was the cause.

She looked down at the rose in her hands struck once again by the gesture and Alistair's words. _I think without you Alistair, I would have gone insane after Ostagar. My need for vengeance is almost overwhelming; they were my family…and without you I think I would have let it do so long ago._


End file.
